You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
