oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
