Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
