I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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