did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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