shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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