Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize