I wish my penis had an off switch
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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