Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
