Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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