did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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