Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
