My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
