your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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