Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.

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(917): View more from New York City

The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb

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(619): View more from California

We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"

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(623): View more from Arizona

its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.

(414): View more from Wisconsin

You're welcome.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.

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(856): View more from New Jersey

I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT

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(940): View more from Texas

You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.

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