I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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