I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
