I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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