what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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