I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
