1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
