Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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