Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
