these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize