Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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