I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
