Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
