just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
