He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
