She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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