I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
