i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
