You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
