let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
