im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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