Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
