Too much gin, very little bucket
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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