id be glad to
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
