So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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