Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
