I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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