You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
