Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
