My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
