Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
