I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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