Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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