I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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