My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
