I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
