If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
