I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just threw up on my dentist
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
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