FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
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