Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
