I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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