Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
