Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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