You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
