just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
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