the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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