Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
