Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
