wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just puked most of my soul out..
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
