We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
