Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
