i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
