It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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