What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
