please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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