Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
