With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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