I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
