first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
