No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
