Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
