I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
soo... how was my night?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
