yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
