eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
