She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
