I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
