Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
