so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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